Inside Deliberately Difficult & Laughing: the experience you can expect
What this publication will do to your "good girl" programming
You now: done with behaving socially domesticated; ready to (aching to) ditch the “good girl” behavior and show up as you consistently, but not quite sure how and not quite convinced/confident that you’ll be alright when you do.
You inside: getting insights, motivation, practical (and pragmatic) tips beyond the common (and often counterproductive and exhausting) “lean in” type advice; having fun experimenting to find what fits you; laughing at
You after some time inside: showing up more and more as your core you, doing it more and more consistently and confidently. Enjoying the benefits of feeling grounded and secure in knowing what’s important to you (not what you’ve been told should be important to you). And enjoying that you’re behaving accordingly and being okay with losing relationships that depend on you behaving socially domesticated.
Reading Deliberately Difficult & Laughing (DD&L for short) brings into the open the “good girl” scripts you’ve been following until now, often unconsciously.
Be nice (even when you’re seething inside).
Like the times when someone trampled all over my boundaries (that I didn’t even know I had) and I kept quiet or mumbled some de-escalating words. As if I should protect their comfort when they had no regard for mine.Be of service (even when you’re already exhausted).
Like the times when I felt compelled to offer to take on more tasks at work even when my plate was already overflowing. Yes, driven by the delusion that nobody would do it as well as me. Even when all that really means is that no one would do it like I would, disregarding that they might do it better!Don’t be difficult (even when you have every right and reason to be).
Like the times when I didn’t stand up for myself because doing so would have gotten me the dreaded “difficult” label.
Or the times I had to work myself into an angry frenzy to advocate for myself — and then, of course, did so in the most ineffective way possible.
When you put into practice what you’ll find in DD&L, you’ll enable yourself to:
Tear down (maybe whittling down at first) the invisible barriers holding you back.
For me, one invisible barrier (belief) was “no one is interested in what I have to say”. A conditioned belief, reinforced by avoiding putting myself out there.Live a genuinely authentic life that attracts those who resonate with it (and, yes, repel the ones who don’t), making it a lot more enjoyable not having to deal with those who don’t fit you.
Grow the courage to be disliked. I have a neighbor who hates my guts since he retired and I started showing up for and as me. Not fun, not always easy (the programming and my neurodivergent triplet do still pipe up), but very worth it for the sense of self-worth and self-esteem it gave me.
Whittle down perfectionism so you’ll have more time for fun and games. My perfectionism coupled with a genuine case of Imposter Syndrome (inability to internalize achievements, not merely insecurity around doing something new) had me over-achieving into multiple bouts of burn-out and depression.
Know the difference between proper self-care and mere indulgence (they overlap, by the way) so you can pick self-care when indulgence won’t make a difference. Discovering that genuine self-care is in
All of these brought together enable you to enjoy being secure in and as yourself without performing the “good girl” act.
Mind you, the “laughing” is in the title for several reasons, which I’ll talk about some other time.
For now, I want to affirm that it is reinforce that (unavoidably) being (perceived as) difficult is a good thing.
Because while “difficult” has been conditioned into you as a negative, it actually comes with huge benefits. For you, for women around you, and for the world. You’ll find more on that on DD&L too.
It’s also your ticket to a fun and playful live worth living every minute.
Which is your (and everyone’s) birthright that you, as a woman, were trained out of.
That’s why you’ll find me regularly calling out the absurdity of patriarchal conditioning with irregularly recurring sections like “Today’s official nonsense” — the absurd “rules“ imposed on women, and “Polite rebellion of the week” — tiny acts of refusal and denial of service you can try.
If all of that sounds like the support you’ve wished already existed, come join me on Deliberately Difficult & Laughing. Be sure to bring your doubts, eye-rolls, and experiences, and I’ll bring the insights, tools, and jokes.
See you soon!
P.S.: Don’t think I’ve arrived. I’m still unlearning. Every limiting belief I tackle, opens space for a deeper one to bubble to the surface. That’s okay. I’m a work in progress just like you are. A recent one: For months, I was unable to get my autist to desist rehearsing a conversation. Recently I realized it came from the basic human need for acknowledgement and validation. And I was finally able to get her to shut up by telling her I didn’t even want them from “nasty neighbor” anyway.